My Big Fat Turkish Holidays

I am back from my holiday in Turkey. It was my first visit to this country and, honestly, not the last one. I am a big fan of "all-inclusive" holidays. There are various reasons for this. So far, however, I have chosen other holiday destinations.

I came back, and immediately after return, I was shocked. Istanbul is less than two hours flight from Belgrade. And Istanbul airport is breathtaking. Seriously. It is so luxurious that Heathrow looks dull and grey compared to it. When you emerge from the plane at Aerodrom Nikola Tesla Beograd, local reality hits you like a rock. Literally. Take my word for it. Another thing is that Turkey is a bit of a luxury anyway.

A hotel, as it is

Flight from Serbia. Transfer in Istambul and then less than an hour by car from Antalya. Destination: VONRESORT Golden Coast & Aqua - Kids Concept-Ultra All Inclusive. Hotel on a beautiful, wide sandy beach, several pools, an aquapark, SPA, and many restaurants and bars on site. Anything else? I went on holiday with my son to spend a few days away from everyday life and family noise. Such a dad-son time, only two of us.

Lovely place. Beautifully maintained resort. Well-groomed and modelled. Tall palm trees, lush lawns, bushes full of fragrant flowers, benches, hammocks. In addition, the blue of the sky and the azure of the pools. My wife warned me that Turkey is a luxury, but I didn't quite believe it. My favourite vacation spot is the Caribbean. Nothing has beaten this so far, not even Thailand. Admittedly, my wife was in Turkey a long time ago and, speaking of luxury, compared Turkey to Greece, where it is rather difficult to find luxury, at least in a comparable price range. Nevertheless, a surprise. Positive surprise. On the second day, I was sure that Turkey was not much different from the Caribbean. Just two things. The first is palm trees. In Turkey, they are less well-kept and lower. In the Dominican Republic, they are slender and picturesque, mostly coconut, and there are plenty of them even on the beach. The second thing is the beach itself. The difference is in the colour of the sand. Only in the Caribbean is it so dazzlingly white. In Turkey, it is soft and delicate but yellow.

What to expect

I thought there would be something to look at. I mean both hotel and the people. A long time ago (a month into the war in  Ukraine), Turks announced they would invite three million Russians for holidays. I haven't been there before, but I know Turkey and Egypt were always full of Russians. So I was getting ready for them. Big bellies, heavy gold chains around their necks, screams by the pool and so on. I have met larger numbers of Russians in the Dominican Republic in one of the hotels from the Bahia Principe chain. They behaved in a particular way. Most interestingly, during meals. You see, for Russians, all-inclusive is not easy. Eating and drinking as much as their ass can handle is their number one exercise. They carry five plates, push each other and fight for food. The food was disappearing rapidly. I was looking forward to meeting Russians again and in bulk.

Note: there were not too many Russians in my hotel. I could hear them here and there and easily spot them, especially in the restaurant. Not much has changed here. Let me just say that if the average Russian had six hands, he would carry eight plates simultaneously. There were a few Polish families, some Americans, who are always easy to spot because they speak incredibly loudly and, standing at the bar, hold a folded banknote between their fingers. A few sluggish French and some strange people speaking a language I couldn't recognise. Probably Swedes or Dutch. At least half of the hotel guests were locals, and most of the rest were their friends from Western Europe, i.e. Germans. These are also easy to spot. They have never changed. The Germans will always and everywhere consider themselves über alles. This is how they behave—always looking down on everyone.

All-inclusive

The heart of such holidays is leisure. People rest and relax. They do what they want, roast in the sun, hang around and, most of all, eat and drink. It is a food festival. Breakfast from seven to ten. Lunch from noon to 2 pm. Dinner from 7 pm. There are several snack bars, a patisserie, a coffee bar, Turkish pancakes, and midnight snacks from midnight to morning. Live and let live. And people eat. As much as possible. They get up from the table to get the second plate while still chewing. I've always been surprised by their capacity. A few plates of food, various meats and vegetables, then a sweet dessert, and believe me, it never ended with only one baklava and a plate of fruits. An average person eats one full plate without room for anything else. Maybe ice cream is all you can squeeze, and in Turkey, everyone must have ice cream at the end of every meal.

You can also drink and never get sober. Several bars, two of them on the beach. 24/7 lobby bar, if you wake up at night and there is no internet in your room. Drinks of all kinds, champagne, whiskey and "Turkish raki", which was Greek ouzo. Only the Turks would never admit it. The lobby bar was great. Surprisingly, the Russians were quiet. The loudest ones were Germans and a few English-speaking morons, but it was not so bad.

Now about the service. Everyone was so lovely. The stereotype of the Turk is that if you turn your back on him, he will stab you with a knife. I do not fully agree. I met several Turks in London, and I used to buy Turkish bread from one shop (that guy had a Polish wife), and they were all very nice. Everyone here was very friendly too. Bartenders, waitresses at the diner, girls serving drinks at the bar, hostesses at the SPA, and shop assistants. Everyone was great. So normal. Smiling and never intrusive, which is an advantage these days. Sometimes they let you down a little by pouring vodka instead of gin, but that's life. I concluded that the Turks are not necessarily aggressive barbarians who want to take control of the world but ordinary people enjoying life and spending time with their families.

To the point

Eight lovely days. We've never had breakfast as we usually don't eat it anyway, and Maks likes to sleep. Lots of swimming, lunch and then a few games of 8-ball pool and air hockey. Chill at the bar, a few drinks and a lot of evening swimming. Hearty dinner. Evening visit at the bar and to bed.

I don't know how many calories a day I was consuming. I never count them anyway. It is well known that you do not gain weight from calories but from carbohydrates. I absorbed a lot of these. With my daily limit of 50 g, I estimate that the beer alone was responsible for around 80g intake. I do not even count gin and tonic, meat, vegetables, fruits, and pita bread! And, of course, a few baklavas a day. Coffee with sugar, juice and sometimes a sip of cola from my son. Probably about 500 g of carbohydrates. In one day. Horror. And what came out of it?

How much can you lose in eight days?

My weight before the trip was 77 kg. Immediately upon arrival, the scales showed 78.5 kg, The following day, 79.2 kg. Eight weeks of exercise, fasting and dieting to help you lose weight slowly and healthily, and my loss was about 1 kg per week. Eight days of fun to gain two kilos. One step forward, two steps backwards. I don't know why I should try to get in shape when it is so easy to lose it. I am laughing at people trying to reduce their weight before the holidays. They sweat only to destroy it in the end. Logically, it doesn't make any sense because they struggle all the way just to get back to the start. Anyway, you would have to start preparations for the holidays at the end of January for this to work.

Was it worth it?

I cannot give a clear answer to this question. I've never been fat. I like to eat and drink. In general, it's probably not worth trying unless someone wants to show off at the pool. It is so simple. If you are not careful with your diet, you will get fat. Watch yourself, be on a diet, try and try, and you have no fun. And then you will grow old and die anyway.

On the other hand, it's good to exercise; it keeps you fit. On the third hand, diet, and especially fasting, changes your habits a bit. You don't feel like eating so much anymore. You pay more attention to the quality of the food. You stop eating between meals or in front of the TV in the evenings. And one more thing. The energy you have while fasting is unbelievable. I experience that all the time. And when you eat: bam! The air is coming out of you, and you just want to curl up comfortably by a warm campfire, right by your cave and fall asleep.

I recommend intermittent fasting. Various diets, well, they're not entirely enjoyable. How much meat can you eat when you miss a simple slice of bread? I decided to go through my entire program one more time (three months of training) and see what happens next. No excuses here.

Five days before the end, I will set my sourdough bread starter so I can bake delicious Polish bread. I will slice it. And I will butter it. Sitting down in my armchair, I will write the whole story again. Hopefully, being able to answer my final question. Was it worth exercising and fast or not?